Surprise Babies

Ok, so my sister-in-law Ilene just blogged about her surprise pregnancy. I was particularly interested in the comments thus far to her blog about how many other ladies out there have had surprise pregnancies. I’ve never had a surprise pregnancy. Ok, so I’ve never had ANY pregnancy. I’ve never gone into details in this blog about our infertility, and I never will.

The closest we’ve ever come to having a surprise pregnancy is the surprises that come from finding out what all is entailed to adopt children in this glorious world. So my dear blogging friends, I’ll open up about something I rarely talk about. I don’t talk much about adoption because I just don’t think it’s a big deal, not because there is anything shameful or un-natural about it. Adoption has been the biggest blessing to our lives. If you ever say anything negative about it to me I’ll punch you in the face. Ok, I won’t punch you, but I’ll role my eyes and then give you a mouthful to your earful. Not that any of my friends would ever say such ignorant things.

But here, my dear readers are some SURPRISING facts that you may or may not know about adoption— (This is not going to be a blog about how awesome my kids are, that’s another blog, or actually all my other blogs.)

1. You have to be finger printed by a police officer. Yup, Paul and I got the full criminal treatment in the basement of the police station. The whole speech from the officer about, ‘Stand here on this line, keep one hand behind your back. We’ll move each finger across the paper, you just hold your hand limp.' I nearly cried as we did this. I felt like screaming, “Does every couple have to do this before they have sex and conceive?” They should, you know. Only fair.

2. You have to answer 52 essay questions in great detail. Well, if you go through LDS Family Services you do. Here are some actual questions: I still have them on my computer: Describe your parents including education, occupation, personality, interests, etc.; What are the strengths and challenges of your marriage ?; Describe your methods to teach and discipline children.; List possible hazards in your home and how you manage them for safety. For example, firearms, medication, etc. Oh, lets save these questions for date night Paul!

3. You get to write out checks left and right to various groups. One is to the state for your BCI (Bureau of Criminal Identification) check. What’s funny about these background checks is that after adopting three kiddies we now know that Paul’s will always be held up for further investigation. Yup, my hubby, the man with only a few traffic violations has an evil twin out there with a similar name who is a criminal so they always hold his BCI check to do further investigations. Again, I ask, do other couples have to do this before they have babies? What would the fertility rate in this country be if BCI checks were a must before conception was allowed? Yea, I know, sounds like Brave New World. Sort of.

4. You have a series of home visits. The first is to determine if your home is safe for a child. On the days we’ve had ours we put away our automatic weapons, our Samurai sword collection, and dump out the cigarette butts from all our ashtrays. After the baby is placed with us, the case worker comes 2-3 more times. So we put away all the contraband items again.

5. And my favorite surrpise of all, the on going questions from morons, such as; “Which ones are yours?” or “What is she?” or “Is her Dad dark?” See, this is where I know the camera from heaven is zooming in on me because all Christian thoughts have now left my brain. I feel like it’s a test from above or below, not sure which. Do I have compassion on this ignorant soul and nicely answer the question? Or do I go with my instinct and humiliate them? Either way, its being written in the book of life and I’ll have to answer for my behavior. Dang it.

Give me morning sickness and stretch marks any day.......