Thursday, December 22, 2005

Moms Don't Get Sick Days

A few weeks ago I went out to lunch with my sisters. Both my sisters work full-time and they were discussing their company’s sick leave policy. One of them said her sick days accumulated year after year. One of them said, I think, that her sick days were a use-it-or-lose-it kind of thing. Not wanting to be left out of the conversation I quickly explained that I didn’t get any sick days ever. They both thought that was kind of funny, but I didn’t. Mom’s don’t get sick days and that is truly a crime. Because nobody needs sick days more than a mother.

In case you can’t tell by my congested tone of voice, I am sick. I have been sick for almost two weeks now. The house is disgusting, the kids are hooked on Nick Jr. TV, and we seem to eat a lot of pancakes and eggs for dinner lately. Why? Because I am just not getting better. I am what I like to call, functional sick. I am not feverish with delirium anymore but I simply feel like a big piece of garbage. I am functional, yet still sick. I feel like a walking zombie.

So today I am breaking down and going to see my doctor. I have no idea why. He’ll simply say something like: “Be patient. This is a terrible bug that’s going around.” In reality I’d like him to say this: “Here is a prescription for valium. Take it whenever your kids are going bonkers. Oh, and I insist you take at least a week vacation in Mazatlan where you will do nothing but lie on the beach all day long and sip fruity drinks. I forbid you to change any diapers or do any laundry. That is the real reason you are still sick. You must be allergic to laundry.” I’ll explain to him that I don’t have any sick days saved up and he’ll say that it’s a shame. Mazatlan really would cure me. I’m sure of it.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Bonding through Blogging

Bonding through Blogging

I complain too much in my blogs. I know I can be critical when I blog because the other day my friend Jenn gave me an invitation to a bath and body party she was hosting and the first thing she said when she handed the invite to me was: “Please don’t blog about me but I’m inviting you to this party.” I feel terrible that she would think I would blog negatively about her. I need to work on that reputation I’ve created.

Some of (what I thought) were some of my best blogs, Food Snob, elicited hardly any feedback, while some that I thought were not so great, Razor Blades and Cyanide, elicited the most responses. So apparently I have no idea what inquiring minds want to know. Too bad. I keep blogging anyway.

I started blogging because Allison did. And in turn my husband, sister, and my dad started blogging because of me. I’m such a leader. So here’s to another six months of blogging about nothing and having a good time while doing it. Here are some of my favorite blogs I’ve read over the last six months—in no particular order. If you haven’t checked them out, you should.

  1. I learned that my very quiet husband has a lot on his mind when given the right forum to express himself. From taxes, his childhood paper routes, and his days of evil music, they all make me laugh. He is quiet—not shy—I always tell people. Paul is so quiet that I often can tell when he is about to speak because he clears his throat. Yes, he actually speaks so infrequently that he has to clear his throat in order to speak. Blogging has been his voice I think.

  2. I have confirmed the fact that my sister Carolyn really is a great writer. She, like my Dad, is good with words and reading her blogs truly brings a smile to my face. She doesn’t feel 600 miles away. Isn’t that a song? Her blogs are also very informative. I had no idea people across this country were dedicating their cars in loving memory of the dead. Oh, what’s next?

  3. I’m enjoying my Dad’s blogs about his days during the Vietnam War. His ordering of hot dogs in Japan had me in stitches!

  4. I enjoyed Carlie’s expose on hair salons. With blogs like that the world can change. Boy did she hit the nail on this head! Nobody likes the painful small talk or being forced to look at themselves in a giant mirror for over an hour.

  5. I love to read Kacy’s blogs about anything from the past. Her Adam Ant blog left me wiping tears. And does she really believe that Bono is LDS? Curious. I’d love to hear more on that kind of crazy talk. Good laughs, good laughs.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Things in Life I Find Confusing

There are a number of things in life that are a mystery to me. My top eight ( I couldn’t think of 2 more things to complain about and round this to a top ten—hard to believe) are listed here. In order of perplexment, here they are:

8. Wallpaper borders—A room gets painted but alas, it doesn’t look finished. Oh wait, add a 6 inch wide piece of wallpaper around the top of the room (or worse yet, around the middle of the room to form a faux chair rail) and voile it’s done and looks like a professional tackled the job! Please forgive me if you have a wallpaper border in your house. I’m sure yours is the exception and is beautiful.

7. People who don’t like vegetables—I know plenty of people who do not like any vegetables. I could understand not liking certain vegetables—but all vegetables? I can never seem to give these people the benefit of the doubt and assume they have tried every single vegetable from rutabagas to leeks. I always assume they are closed minded and never grew out of their childish ways of hating vegetables.

6. Wicker furniture indoors—This is technically my sister Carolyn’s pet peeve, but I am stealing it. Once I heard her explain all about how outdoor furniture shouldn’t be indoor furniture I was all on board. Oh yea.

5. Psychological Pricing—Okay this is the marketing term used for pricing things at 99 cents or $11,999. The psychology behind this is pretty obvious. Wow, this taco is less than a dollar! You get what I’m saying. But who is fooled by this? Once, in the Gap, or some trendy store like that, the following conversation took place:

Clerk: Welcome to the Gap. We’re having a special today. Buy two paisr of jeans for only $59.99.

Me: Does the $60 sale include the corduroys too?

Clerk: The sale is $59.99. Not $60.

Me: Okee-dokee. (As I roll my eyes.)

Oh how I wish I were making this up!

4. Carpet in bathrooms—Wet carpet, now sticky from all the hair spray, covered in hair. What about this makes sense? It gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

3. Fake hugs and kisses—This is a growing trend in the good ol’ US of A. People have started hugging upon the very first meeting. You know it’s fake because they do the pat-pat thing on the back of the person they are hugging. Nothing says “I am uncomfortable now” more than the pat-pat on the back. I see this especially on TV. It drives me crazy when I am watching design shows. The extremely satisfied homeowner hugs and double kisses the designer who was just paid $20,000 to re-do their master bathroom. Hello lady?! This designer didn’t do you any favors out of the goodness of his heart! He re-decorated your bathroom because of the inordinate amount of money you paid him! This isn’t philanthropy. Don’t hug people in professional situations unless you truly have feelings of love for them. And don’t get me started on the double kiss thing. People like to pretend they are French, I guess. I know in Mexico they do this too because I have relatives who double-kiss. I think it’s completely appropriate as a cultural custom. But I doubt anyone double kisses because they want to be a Mexican. No, that is not a slam on Mexicans. It’s a slam on people who wish to be Euro trash. So stop the kissing and fake hugs and stick to good old handshakes. Pretty please.

2. People who make you take your shoes off in their house—When you are a guest in somebody’s house their job is to make you feel comfortable and welcome. Nothing makes me less comfortable upon entering someone’s house than being told to partially disrobe. If you are worried about dirty carpet then get your carpet cleaned or buy dark brown carpet next time. What’s worse is these people also have a sign on their door that says, “Thank you for removing your shoes.” My feet are always cold so I prefer to keep my shoes on. So I act like I didn’t see the sign just to stay warm. I’m not trying to be defiant—just warm. Does this bother anyone else?

And the number one thing that I just don’t understand in life…….

1. Cheesecake—I love how people think that Cheesecake is very special and therefore served only at special occasions. Cheesecake is dense, heavy, and usual not good eats. But for some reason it is served as dessert at “fancy” church dinners, “fancy’ work Christmas parties, etc. You want fancy? Serve me a slice of Scarlet Empress—a jam-filled Biscuit Roulade formed in a dome to encase vanilla Bavarian cream served with a tart raspberry sauce. Now that’s special! But I doubt you’ll be seeing any Scarlet Empress cakes at the ward Christmas party. Let’s be realistic. We serve cheesecake because it is cheaply bought at Costco. Let’s acknowledge the real reasons for our love affair with cheesecake and quit pretending it’s fancy. Can we all agree on this one? The only good cheesecake I’ve had was eaten at Carmine’s in NYC and that’s because it was made out of mascarpone cheese. Now that was heaven.

So what confuses you in life?


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