Thursday, November 10, 2005

Razor Blades and Cyanide

In my neighborhood there is something going on that I find scary and perplexing—anonymous treat giving. Last night we were “ding-dong-ditched”. When Paul opened the door there lay a plate of pumpkin bar treats along with a poem about Tom the Turkey and a big picture of a turkey. The poem explained that we were to make three copies of the poem and turkey picture and then “ding-dong-ditch” three other helpless and unsuspecting families with a plate of “goodies” in hopes that this treat giving will grow exponentially until the whole dang world has been given a plate of inedible garbage! Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Oh, and we had to post the picture of the turkey in our window so that other neighbors will know we have been “hit” and somebody else will enjoy the privilege of homemade treats. Unfortunately, the plate of treats had a note that said to refrigerate them. I didn’t see the note until this morning. So I’m guessing it isn’t safe to eat this treat because it lay at room temperature all night long on our entryway table. Bye-bye pumpkin treats that could make us sick!

Two weeks ago we were “Booed”. Yup, you guessed it. We were given a plate of hard hockey-puck chocolate cookies with a poem about a ghost and a picture of a ghost. Same instructions as the Tom the Turkey. You get the picture.

Many things disturb me about this anonymous treat giving.
  • How do I know these treats were not placed on my porch by some criminal mind that baked the treats with razor blades and cyanide?

  • If I am going to give a treat to someone, they are going to know about it. They are going to know that Cynthia is a dang good baker and a giving person. No anonymity for me.

  • If you are going to give someone a treat can you really insist that they give someone else a treat also? I didn’t sign any contract when those pumpkin bars where left on my porch; therefore, I am not obligated to obey the attached note and give three other neighbors a plate of treats.

  • The treats are always gross. One bite and straight to the garbage they go.

  • I don’t like posting the ghost or turkey picture in my window. I think it’s silly. If that many people love me then who am I to deny my adoring fans the privilege of gift giving?

A few years ago when this silly tradition started in my neighborhood I refused to put the silly ghost, turkey, or Santa picture in my window. I would not conform. Well, night after night the treats kept coming. After at least a week of being “ding-dong-ditched” with plate after plate of yucky treats I conformed and put the picture in my window. This insanity must stop!

So to all you anonymous treat givers out there—please know that I love homemade butter pound cakes.

P.S. If you gave me the pumpking treats or chocolate cookies, I lied. They were delicious.


Patricia (the sister!) said...

My gosh, is this a Provo thing? I have never heard of such a thing before, Cyn. I would have to agree with you on ALL of your list of things that disturb you about this. I think you covered all the bases on that one. I can't think of any to add to the list. Yeah, who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? I don't blame you one bit, Cyn! In the trash all of that crapola would go.

abelnap said...

Right on, Cynthia. Though my children are always excited by pumpkin cookies with orange sprinkles that taste like poo. Garbage! Spider shaped chocolate covered rice krispie treats with pretzels for legs that look AND taste like poo. Garbage! And you're telling me that now someone has started a Tom Turkey thing--this is INSANE. Besides just not liking to put up the sign--it is a little tacky, isn't it, hanging out in all our front windows--WT if you ask me.
Love ya,

Kacy said...

Thank you for voicing what we are all feeling. This is just an adult form of peer pressure that people give into. I can't believe that anyone likes it. That said, no one has ever done this to me. But I don't care because I don't want friends.

cyn the win said...

Kacy, I think that your saying you don't want friends is a cry for help. We all want and need friends! I've seen the 57 replies you get to each of your blogs. Oh yes, you have friends.

paulw_cpa said...

You can blame me for simply leaving the plate of goodies on the entryway table. The doorbell rang...a bad sign when you aren't expecting anyone...I found the plate and without even reading the poem set them there and went on with my business.

Good work Cyn, I am as much of a food snob as you are!! Well I like various flavors of ice cream rather the regulars.

Carolyn said...

Who are the Ad Wizards? They are the too many people who saw the movie 'Pay it Forward'. I never saw this movie, but I know its premise and it's ridiculous.

Who are the Ad Wizards? They're the manufacturers of Rose-Colored Glasses, my friends. And I'm not talkin' about those purple ones Ozzy Osbourne wears, you know what I mean...

You can call me Susan, but I will still shout SOMEBODY STOP THE MADNESS!!!!

cyn the win said...

Call me Susan? Huh?

Trevor said...

They do something similar to this at my work every halloween we get "spooked", someone leaves candy or treats on your desk and you get a nasty warning that if you don't do the same to two others you will have bad luck all year long. Well that must explain the bad luck I have had lately because I refuse to participate in the stupidity of the whole thing. A few of us in my department at the first sign of the yearly nonsense will get a copy of the "I've been spooked" ghost that we are supposed to hang up and hang it up before anyone gives us anything. Others, never hang it up on purpose so they can keep getting treats day after day.

cyn the win said...

Trevor--this madness has hit the workplace too? For all that's decent in this world--stop the madness people!

Lori Lashley said...

Sorry I'm reading this so late...

OMG! That whole thing just seems so scary! Can you imagine if people left treats in our 114 degree weather? Aye carumba!

I love your last line and your P.S.!


Michael Harrington said...

This would never work in California. Imagine eating food found at your doorstep. How do I know the neighbor's dog didn't come over and sniff it before I get it? Or worse yet lift its leg up on it! AAArrrrggghhh!

This is why sometimes the LDS communities fall prey to those who use these things to do evil.


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