Friday, December 02, 2005

Things in Life I Find Confusing


There are a number of things in life that are a mystery to me. My top eight ( I couldn’t think of 2 more things to complain about and round this to a top ten—hard to believe) are listed here. In order of perplexment, here they are:

8. Wallpaper borders—A room gets painted but alas, it doesn’t look finished. Oh wait, add a 6 inch wide piece of wallpaper around the top of the room (or worse yet, around the middle of the room to form a faux chair rail) and voile it’s done and looks like a professional tackled the job! Please forgive me if you have a wallpaper border in your house. I’m sure yours is the exception and is beautiful.

7. People who don’t like vegetables—I know plenty of people who do not like any vegetables. I could understand not liking certain vegetables—but all vegetables? I can never seem to give these people the benefit of the doubt and assume they have tried every single vegetable from rutabagas to leeks. I always assume they are closed minded and never grew out of their childish ways of hating vegetables.

6. Wicker furniture indoors—This is technically my sister Carolyn’s pet peeve, but I am stealing it. Once I heard her explain all about how outdoor furniture shouldn’t be indoor furniture I was all on board. Oh yea.

5. Psychological Pricing—Okay this is the marketing term used for pricing things at 99 cents or $11,999. The psychology behind this is pretty obvious. Wow, this taco is less than a dollar! You get what I’m saying. But who is fooled by this? Once, in the Gap, or some trendy store like that, the following conversation took place:

Clerk: Welcome to the Gap. We’re having a special today. Buy two paisr of jeans for only $59.99.

Me: Does the $60 sale include the corduroys too?

Clerk: The sale is $59.99. Not $60.

Me: Okee-dokee. (As I roll my eyes.)

Oh how I wish I were making this up!

4. Carpet in bathrooms—Wet carpet, now sticky from all the hair spray, covered in hair. What about this makes sense? It gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

3. Fake hugs and kisses—This is a growing trend in the good ol’ US of A. People have started hugging upon the very first meeting. You know it’s fake because they do the pat-pat thing on the back of the person they are hugging. Nothing says “I am uncomfortable now” more than the pat-pat on the back. I see this especially on TV. It drives me crazy when I am watching design shows. The extremely satisfied homeowner hugs and double kisses the designer who was just paid $20,000 to re-do their master bathroom. Hello lady?! This designer didn’t do you any favors out of the goodness of his heart! He re-decorated your bathroom because of the inordinate amount of money you paid him! This isn’t philanthropy. Don’t hug people in professional situations unless you truly have feelings of love for them. And don’t get me started on the double kiss thing. People like to pretend they are French, I guess. I know in Mexico they do this too because I have relatives who double-kiss. I think it’s completely appropriate as a cultural custom. But I doubt anyone double kisses because they want to be a Mexican. No, that is not a slam on Mexicans. It’s a slam on people who wish to be Euro trash. So stop the kissing and fake hugs and stick to good old handshakes. Pretty please.

2. People who make you take your shoes off in their house—When you are a guest in somebody’s house their job is to make you feel comfortable and welcome. Nothing makes me less comfortable upon entering someone’s house than being told to partially disrobe. If you are worried about dirty carpet then get your carpet cleaned or buy dark brown carpet next time. What’s worse is these people also have a sign on their door that says, “Thank you for removing your shoes.” My feet are always cold so I prefer to keep my shoes on. So I act like I didn’t see the sign just to stay warm. I’m not trying to be defiant—just warm. Does this bother anyone else?

And the number one thing that I just don’t understand in life…….

1. Cheesecake—I love how people think that Cheesecake is very special and therefore served only at special occasions. Cheesecake is dense, heavy, and usual not good eats. But for some reason it is served as dessert at “fancy” church dinners, “fancy’ work Christmas parties, etc. You want fancy? Serve me a slice of Scarlet Empress—a jam-filled Biscuit Roulade formed in a dome to encase vanilla Bavarian cream served with a tart raspberry sauce. Now that’s special! But I doubt you’ll be seeing any Scarlet Empress cakes at the ward Christmas party. Let’s be realistic. We serve cheesecake because it is cheaply bought at Costco. Let’s acknowledge the real reasons for our love affair with cheesecake and quit pretending it’s fancy. Can we all agree on this one? The only good cheesecake I’ve had was eaten at Carmine’s in NYC and that’s because it was made out of mascarpone cheese. Now that was heaven.

So what confuses you in life?

5 comments:

paulw_cpa said...

Other things you hate that didn't make the list:

1. Children who always have an emergency when you are taking a shower or using the facilities.

2. Text messaging teens during church meetings. I am not sure how you forgot this one!

3. The use of the word "shell" to describe a "tortilla" and the word "hamburger" when it is really "ground beef"--although this may have more to do with your food snob blog.

I am sure I could think of more, but I will not reveal any of my annoying habits that drive you crazy! I have an image to uphold. :)

Carolyn said...

Oooh, all good additions, Paul! But text messaging in church is not limited to teens, as your dear bro. Mark could point out. :)

Cyn, I totally approve that you stole my pet peeve of wisker furniture inside the house. There MUST be a law against it. Wish should only be in one's home if one is very wealthy and is furnishing their conservatory...

Carolyn said...

I typed to fast for ingenious brain. Obviously I meant WICKER instead of wisker and Wish. Somebody slap me...

Lori Lashley said...

oh how I wish I could take the time to talk about what confuses me!!

I will definitely join the bandwagon on a few of your perplexities... the wicker furniture, psychological pricing and carpet in the bathroom.

I'm not even going to give the wicker furniture the time it would take to explain. Yuk!

The psychological pricing, I must admit, is something in which I partake. It has proven itself to me on Ebay. I don't get it but I can get someone who wouldn't buy a $100 item to buy it at $99.99!! I swear!!

Carpet in the bathroom? Whose brilliant idea was this? Especially when it touches the bathtub! Isn't that just ASKING for trouble?

As a recent convert to tile and laminate wood flooring, I am in awe that we lived without it!! No more sippy cup etc. spill stains that blotch up the floor. No more vacuuming 50 times a day! Nice wood laminate floored living space and tiled bathrooms make more easy cleanup & maintenace.

OKay thanks for letting me feel liek I blogged by commenting on yours!!

Lori

Kacy said...

I remember in the 80s when spring-form pans were invented--that's when cheesecake was a treat. Now we are all sick of it. And with regards to one of your previous blogs, I can't tell you how often the phrase "foster a spirit of deprivation" has come to mind while Christmas shopping. It has helped me make a LOT of seasonal decisions. Thank you.

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