Friday, June 20, 2008

Gifts that Keep on Giving (Giving Me Pain)


We pride ourselves on not buying many toys for our kids--they get 1 toy on their birthday and 3-4 at Christmas time. That's it. The rest they get from relatives with good intentions. Now, I'm not going to name these relatives (but they are fellow bloggers so you can guess who they are) nor will I get into the reasons why I think they give such destructive gifts to my children, and believe me, I have theories about these saboteurs. I will simply point out the current gifts that are giving me grief. You be the judge whether these toys are evil gifts.

1. Musical Sit and Spin: Yes, the vomit vortex is back from my childhood. Only this time it is updated with the ability to play horrific music whenever you so much as tap the toy with your foot when walking by. It plays awful music trying to impersonate rock, hip-hop, and country. We have deemed it an upstairs only toy. This rule is broken all the time.

2. Water Sprayer Duck (seen in photo next to Water Spraying Darth Vader which never worked). The water spraying duck caused me havoc just today. When you attach the hose to the duck, it sprays water all crazy-like through the snorkel. Cute right? Wrong, the girls opened the back door while the water duck was doing it’s thing and water was quickly sprayed all over the wood floors in the dining area. This led me to mopping and swearing at the same time.

3. Manicure Kits: Who are the ad wizards who thought giving small girls permanent oil based paints in the form of nail polish was a good idea? I don’t really need to explain this any further, do I? It simply fuels the fire behind every small child’s desire to be a grafitti artist. That also goes for the 3-D Glue Bonanza. That "washable" label is a joke meant to frighten mothers all around the world.

4. Paint Sprayer: Our kids have received this gift twice now! Creative and crafty right? Wrong! My kids have turned on the sprayer before without the shield on thus spinning hot pink paint (not washable) around the room and landing on my white slipcovered furniture. Come to my house and I’ll show these stains that occurred at least 3 years ago. I didn’t have a personal photo of this toy because I have thrown it away.

5. Doodle Bear: (Seen at top of blog.) In theory this is a good idea. Give a child a special marker for her special bear. Child can scribble away to her heart’s content and then mother can wash bear all nice and clean. Child can repeat process. Wrong! This only teaches the child that scribbling is ok--especially on her own body. She will then scribble on walls in her bedroom, French doors, supporting beams on front porch, etc. Evil toy.

Please, I am begging the offending gift givers out there. Just give my kids what they really want—cardboard boxes, loads of Scotch tape, and plain white copy paper.



12 comments:

jessica said...

I loved this post because, I too, am a toy nazi. I loathe them. In fact I very sneakily get rid of them everytimet the "VOA" van comes around the neighborhood. And I have family members who totally buy with the intention to torture Aric and I. Don't get me started on the "make up" kits!!!!!

Oh and BTW did you ever post your adoption website other than with LDSFS like Parent Profiles? just wondering...

Paul said...

You forgot to mention Play-Doh. This stuff invariably ends up all over the floor in small little lumps that harden to the consistency of diamonds! I have stepped on these little nuggets far too often.

Please stick to board/card games (although the boxes end up ripped to shreds by the three animals known as our children), DVDs, Legos (which for some reason stay in their place), and books.

Michael said...

Not guilty!

Ilene said...

Ah, we took the batteries out of our sit and spin. Problem solved.

Dan's mom has a knack for getting toys without "off" switches. It is cruel.

thefoxkids said...

Cynthia
do you find as being of the older end of your syblings that your YOUNGER siblings are culprits of these aweful toys.. the only redemption is that for quite a long time (10 years) we had the only nieces and nephews (on both sides)now they all are having babies and i get to have my sweet revenge.. first toy on my give to my niece or nephew; the light sensored scooby doo that we didn't realize was light sensored until we turned out the light after a long tired christmas day... i think my oldest (now 12) may still have nightmares of a ghost lit up on his ceiling..
ha!
love the post!
KyLeyne

Lauriej said...

I hate moon sand. Or playdough. I am secretly happy and don't remind my kids to put it away so I can chuck it after the first 12 hours :-)

Casey said...

I hate SOOO many toys also. Play Doh in particular. But my kids love it. I hate the mess. I usually make them play with it outside for my sanity. Thanks for making me feel better that I'm not the only mom who despises those toys.

Win said...

I take full responsibility for the Doodle Bear. That was a repeated request I could not ignore.
Practically every day Ilene would tell me that she ONLY wanted a Doodle Bear for Christmas. She said she was sure Santa knew and that she would definitely be getting one.....when I asked Paul about the Doodle Bear he said Santa wasn't bring it....I couldn't let her little heart be broken. That is what aunts are for...

As for the Sit and Spin.....I am really sorry! I didn't know it played music when I bought it---I only noticed the sale sign and then had fun flashback memories of my childhood with it. Don't feel picked on, John got one as well....although I am not sure why it is playing music..when Paul assembled it he removed the batteries?!

But, WHAT A MINUTE!!!! Duck sprinkler.....that is where my sprinkler duck went!!! I was wondering....I must have brought it to your house when I was living with you guys and didn't remember. I was going to bring it out last year to Chicago so that the grandkids could enjoy it but I couldn't find it anywhere....guess I just had to look out the door. Sorry I left it there, I will come and pick it up. :-)

However, I am shocked that you didn't post the Dance Revolution game I gave Ilene for her birthday. Now that is a game that really produces some bad music! Although the whole purpose to that game was to help Ilene with her balance and coordination skills...not to annoy....she got really good at it! Although, I was more surprised at how well Paul did when he played it!
Oh the joys of gift giving!

colleeeen said...

my boys like sticks, rocks, and mud a lot. Paul built a rock house for his toys, which was awesome because rocks are free and endlessly re-useable! The Legos have been confiscated and will not be returned until the boys are slightly older - too many parent foot injuries. i have also banned Play-Doh and made the Moon Sand disappear the very night it was given. My sweet and clueless MIL has a knack for giving the boys very detailed toys, like reproductions of real cars, which are then promptly destroyed (or all components lost).

cyn the win said...

MOON SAND? Goodness, how have we missed this awful product? I don't even know what it is. Oh blessed day.

Oh, and I found the paint spinner in our garage...don't know how that evaded the garbage can yet!

nicole said...

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with toys too and John and I have decided that a year from now about 90 percent of our possesions are staying behind. I've been trying to get rid of toys already but Michael keeps finding stuff in my goodwill bag and asking me why its in there. I guess I have to be a little sneakier. As for the sit-n spin, play doh and all other messy toys- BASEMENT BABY.

Screaming Meme said...

Those pictures are too cute!

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