Thursday, October 13, 2005

Scraped Noses & Broken Irons


After my Mother of the Year blog I made a rule never to have an entire blog about my kids again. It is incriminating and frankly, nobody cares about my parenting. But I am breaking my rule today and am going to blog about my youngest—Hallie.

There are a number of things about this picture that are disturbing, least of which is Hallie’s scraped up nose. Nevertheless, Hallie’s nose is the subject at hand.

Two days ago I strapped Hallie into the stroller to go on an errand walk. You know, walk around the neighborhood and return things to others I have borrowed or to retrieve children playing at neighbor’s houses. I crossed the street with Hallie and left her in the stroller on the curb (bad mom) while I quickly rang Nedra’s doorbell to return her iron. I had to borrow her iron because I was making a board-mounted valance for Nathan’s room (good mom) and my iron broke in the middle of the project again for the 3rd time in three years. Ten seconds later Hallie is face down in the gutter, still strapped in her stroller. I tried really hard not to swear (because I was in front of Nedra) as I ran super duper fast to help Hallie. She scraped up, or rather the concrete scraped up, her nose, left arm and right thumb.

Now for the secondary issues—why does Hallie’s hair look so bad and why is she wearing boys pajamas? Her hair looks so bad because she won’t leave in her Ouchless rubberbands. Apparently they are not ouchless to Hallie. She thrashes around and foams at the mouth while grabbing the Ouchless rubberbands out of her hair, all the while screaming, “Owwww-eeee”. Owww-eee is also the sound she makes for a cat. That’s kind of cute—kind of a backwards Meee-oww. So maybe she is really meow-ing as she grabs at her scalp. Hmmmmm. Secondly, I make Hallie wear her brother’s old jammies because I like to foster a spirit of deprivation among my children. I learned this from Liz Nelson who loves to tell her kids no. It builds character. Someday Hallie will look back and see this photo of her scraped up nose, nasty pompadore, and boy pajamas and there will be no doubt in her mind that she was a deprived child.

P.S. This time I replaced my Black and Decker iron with a Sunbeam iron. The B&D iron broke a year ago and was still under warranty. So as directed by the gods at B&D, I cut off the cord, mailed it in, and was rewarded with a new iron in 6 weeks to replace the piece-of-junk first B&D iron. My second B&D iron broke the other day, as already mentioned. I am not cutting off the cord and mailing it in again because I can not go 6 weeks without an iron. I assume they have you do that to cut down on all the scam artists out there fleecing B&D with claims of bad irons. Instead, I bought a Sunbeam iron in hopes that this one is a well made product. I’ll let you know in a year……

6 comments:

paulw_cpa said...

At least you cleaned up her runny nose before taking the picture--good mom.

Unfortunately, you took the picture on those DI chairs that are "under construction"--not great publicity for you sewing venture--bad business owner.

Our kids are deprived let's just be honest. EXAMPLES:
1. They are forced to eat good healthy meals rather than fast food or frozen foods.
2. They are expected to do work around the house.
3. THEY HAVE US FOR PARENTS

Patricia (the sister!) said...

Oh my gosh, that is the SADDEST picture of Hallie I have ever seen. The title of your blog is an apt description, I must say!

abelnap said...

First of all, Paul, you need to speak more in my presence. I thouroughly enjoy your comments and never knew the wit behind the man.

Second of all--HA HA HA! And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Hallie laughing in the picture? I mean, it could be read as a cry--but there is something about her smile that says "big laugh" all over it.

Third of all--I have three--count them, three--daughters who will not let me touch their hair with a nine foot pole. (We'll have to see about Hattie--she doesn't ahve enough hair to shake a fist at.) Yes, I know you're saying, "Will not let you? Who's the parent there?" But I am immensely gratified that after Ilene who would let you do anything with her hair, you now have a real child who goes around looking much like mine. Ah, the relief we feel when others are brought down to our level...

Lori Lashley said...

I am at a loss this time as I am the mother of only boys. (Mothers of boys work from SON up to SON down.)

Nevertheless, I have definitely witnessed my best friend, daughter of two girls, struggle through the "don't even think about touching my hair" phases.

I adore Paul's comments.

Finally, better get your business going for the therapy fund your poor, deprived children may need to get over the good eating, chore contributing and "oucheless" hair bands you bestow upon them!

Fondly joking, of course,
Lori

KellyM said...

See the greif you get trying to be a good mom? Follow my example: take your kids nowhere (then they wouldn't fall over and scrape their cute noses), don't comb their hair (especially when your mother-in-law visits because it drives her crazy), and make them sleep in their clothes (less laundry). Everybody wins!

PS- how can I get a cute picture of myself to show up like Allison and Lori's?

niightshade said...

I love your writing- this is hilarious!

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