Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Scared Straight Parenting

If you are not a parent, I am about to warn you. If you are a parent, let’s form a support group. Because what I’m about to say I never knew before I became a parent. What I am about to type here is vital information if you are going to become a street smart parent.

GPS is for suckers. Why? Because my kids tell me how to drive all the time. They tell me to turn right at red lights so that I don’t have to wait for it to turn green. They ask serious questions about why I am choosing to go this way to Costco when it is clearly the other way. How many times do I have to explain to them that there are many different ways to get to many different places? All this from children who can barely ride a bike on the trail without falling off the trail into sticker weeds. (This happened to Hallie last week)

War of the Words. My kids argue and pick at words all the time with each other and with myself and Paul. Often this lands them in time out, so don’t worry, we’re on it. Time out is to my kids what the belt was to my family (and Paul’s family) growing up. Clearly our parents were smarter. Time out is for foolish parents like myself, that’s for sure. Anywho…..Ilene will be kicking Nathan (yup, kicking) and he’ll say “Stop kicking me” and she’ll say, “I’m not kicking me, why would I kick me?” (*kick kick kick*)

Ilene argues about where we will sail the boats tonight for the (*audibly groans*) Raingutter Regatta for Cub Scouts, after all, there is no water in the parking lot so we can’t possibly do it there. Yes, we anticipate Ilene will go to law school so we’re saving now for Little Miss Spicy Tongue. I’m thinking of becoming a cave man mom and just grunting and pointing my commands to avoid the word picking.

The Price is Right. My friend Laurie wrote a blog about her kids’ addiction to the Price and Right (beyond funny) and I’m thinking I need to encourage the same because I can see such addiction as a creative outlet for my kids constant need to know how much stuff costs and from where it came. “Mom where did you buy this ham?” “Mom how much is string cheese?” I’ve started pulling their little chains and answering “I stole the cheese” because that’s the only way to get them off my back. Sure my condoning theft, even if through sarcasm, which they don’t get, could lead to Hallie stealing extra Smarties from the check out stands at Macey’s Grocery Store, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. ‘Cause my sanity is apparently more important then their moral compass.


Ilene said...

Obviously Ilene will be a liberal arts major where she will write brilliant papers arguing her point with well-researched and well-thought out theses.

Just like her aunt.


Jackson is really high on asking "Why?" right now. It was fun for about five minutes. Can't imagine what it will be like when Thomas starts chiming in.

I also would like to note that my mom's "time out" was hitting us with fly swatter. I just picked one up at the store so now I am set for those desperate times...

Win said...

Wow, I can't believe how big they are getting! They are getting so tall! I will have to have them over for a sleep over sometime soon--before school starts!
I had to laugh at Ilene's response! Yeah, I remember the "fly swatter"....so do Jackie and Kimmie Arms. I don't remember a belt...fly swatter and plastic toy bat yes....the plastic bat made a horrible sound but really didn't hurt that bad...it was the stinging fly swatter I hated more than anything else! Oh the good old days!

jessica said...

This is so funny and so true. Remeber when we couldn't wait for our kids to learn how to talk? And they sounded so cute we would encourage it!

Now....mmm...not so much.

Anonymous said...

That post made my morning :-) I have tried grunting the cave mom grunt but then Carlie just keeps asking me..informing me I am mumbling and how many times have I told them to stop mumbling!!

Paul said...

As we got out of the van last night, Ilene protested that they "never get dessert anymore". I told her if I heard any more sass she would indeed NEVER get dessert again.

She went upstairs and got her pajamas on. Maybe she does understand the word 'never' when used against her.

Anonymous said...

Right now I'm going through the embarrassment of "potty word" obsession. Such fun. Marlon can sure keep a conversation about nothing going in circles till I finally catch on and refuse to keep talking. Kids, they sure do keep things interesting don't they?

Anonymous said...

Hah! I have Katherine starting to count to 5 by herself! No back talk! Just Katherine tantrums! UGG!

crackie said...

Cynthia - that was so funny... I've really liked reading your blog since I saw it on your Etsy site. :)


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