Teaching Children about Objectification

I’ve been thinking for a while about how I can teach my teens what it means to objectify someone and why I feel it is so dangerous. I wanted to teach it to them simply so that they wouldn’t tune out within 3.5 seconds. I want them to feel empowered in their thoughts. I want them to understand their value and the value of others.

I prayed and asked God how I could teach this to my kiddos. Here’s what I came up with:
I have this beautiful blue vase in my house. I can look at it, criticize it, and decide if it has any value. Do I like the color or the curves of the blown glass? Does it make me happy to look at it? Does it please me? Is the glass too wavy? I can criticize its parts because it’s just a thing, it’s an object. I decide whether it has any value to me.

But we can’t do that with human beings. We can’t take them apart with our eyes or thoughts and decide if they have any value. We can’t do this because everyone is divine. And because we each have a divine nature, we are all valuable. Infinitely valuable in God’s eyes. I love what Tad R. Callister has to say in this speech:

“There is a sentiment among many in the world that we are spirit creations of God, just as a building is the creation of its architect or a painting the creation of its painter or an invention the creation of its inventor. We are more than creations of God; we are literal spirit offspring or children of God our Father. What difference does this distinction make? The difference is monumental in its consequence because our identity determines in large measure our destiny. For example, can a mere creation ever become like it creator? Can a building ever become an architect? A painting a painter? We are the spirit offspring of God with inherited spiritual traits that give us the divine potential to become like our parent, God the Father.”

We can’t use a person (ogling, lusting, fantasizing, judging) for our own pleasure because the instant we do this we remove their humanity. And ours. We turn them into an object like my blue vase, something to be discarded in our thoughts when we’re tired of looking at it.
As I taught this to my children (ages 17, 14, and 11) I made sure I used examples so they could understand that this is something we all do yet we all have the power to stop it. If a man sees a women in a tiny tank top with large breasts (yes the kids giggle when I said breasts—we have some work to do!) he can choose to look at her breasts and have sexual thoughts. He can blame her for his thoughts because she chose to wear such a skimpy top. Or he can choose to see her as Divine. He can look at her face instead and wonder, “Is she happy today? What are her struggles? Is she worried about paying her bills? Does she know God is her Father? Has her heart been broken? Is she safe?”

Likewise,  a woman can look at another woman in the Wal Mart line in front of her who is overweight and make judgments about how large her butt is or how ridiculous she looks in those tight pants. Doesn’t she know everyone can see her cellulite? Why doesn’t she just go to the gym? Or she could choose to humanize this woman and proclaim to her brain that her value is just as valuable as her own.

There are infinite ways we objectify others and ourselves but I wanted to keep it simple for my kids. I told my children that I am trying to work on ridding my mind of objectification as well. I want to look at each person (including myself) and see value, to see sorrow, to see happiness, to see anguish, and worry and joy. Society will teach them otherwise. It will teach men that they are not responsible for their thoughts because they are wired this way. To that I say, horse manure. I teach my son that he has the power to control his thoughts, to see a woman as a daughter of God, literal offspring of Deity.  He is not an animal—he has self-awareness and that’s what sets him apart from the animals. I love this Father’s take on teaching objectification to his son. Brilliant.

The lesson was just a few minutes long, and my examples were a little humorous to them, but serious in intent. I hope to have talks like this again and again with my kids. In the weeks since I taught this to my kiddos they have even said things to me like “Mom don’t objectify!” in reply to comments I would make. Hooray for them! I’d love to hear your ideas on this subject as well. Life was sure a lot easier when I simply had to teach them to not throw their food on the floor and to say please and thank you. But I’m up to the challenge. I have to be.

Piano Recital

Every May my kiddos perform in their piano recitals. I just love their teacher pictured here—she’s also my teacher! (I decided a few years ago I wanted to really polish up my piano skills too.) My son doesn’t look happy to be there, and well, guess what. He’s 15 and isn’t. Oh well. He’ll thank me someday right?

My girls were excited to wear their new skirts I made them over the weekend. Nathan had to be bribed to wear a shirt and tie—I stood in line for him at the social security office today for a loooong time. (He needs a new SS card  so that he can get his driver’s license. So yea, I poured on the guilt: “You owe me Nathan—please wear a shirt and tie to your recital with no complaints.” There were none. Phew!

As you can see above, only one child memorized her music. I can sympathize. I don’t have one single song memorized anymore. Well, that’s not totally true. I can still play a few songs memorized as a kid 25 years ago (Bobcat Boogie and Fur Elise). But if I learned the song in the last 3 years, nope, ain’t got nothing upstairs.

Afterwards we celebrated with shakes and onion rings at Iceberg in Orem. Nobody complained about that portion of the evening.

Here’s to ice cream and piano lessons!

Burda #9489

My girls are getting old enough (12 and 9 yrs) that they want regular skirts—not just pull on elastic-waist ones. Do you know how hard it is to find fitted skirts with zippers for girls? They’re still too small to use women’s patterns so I’m left searching the big girl’s patterns. Trust me, they are few and far between. If I was a pattern drafter, I could make a lot of money by designing patterns for tweens. I hate that word “tween” but it is really is the easiest way to describe this  middle age for girls—too young for teens/women, too big for girls. Thankfully Burda has a tiny handful of patterns for tweens.

Like most Burda patterns, it is well drafted and the directions are easy to follow. I followed the directions for the yellow skirt but didn’t even need them once I made the black polka-dot version. I love that this skirt has a yoke and belt loops. The gathers make it nice and full since the pattern is meant for lightweight fabrics. I used 100% quilting-weight cottons.

On the above skirt you can see that I eliminated the pocket trim which is purely decorative. The below skirt has a gray linen for the pocket trim. I used stitch #412 on my sewing machine, Bernina 830, to trim the gray linen. I think it looks like flying butterflies. So cute.

The one thing I need to figure out is why once I install the zipper the yoke left and right do not match up anymore, as seen in the below photo. Drives me crazy.

I did lengthen the skirts considerably. About 3”. I made both girls a size 12. I would also add that if you make this skirt wrap the yoke around your daughter before you sew it on because it might be too small if your daughter isn’t a skinny little stick. I’m glad I did this because I ended up cutting a wider yoke for the black skirt. My two girls have completely different body types. It was an easy fix to cut a wider yoke—didn’t affect the skirt at all—just gather a little less to accommodate the wider yoke.

All in all I loved this pattern and will use it over and over for the next several years with my girls.

By the way, the ties are just scarves from my closet—I need to buy them some belts now! And their adorable button-down shirts are from Lands End.

Shirred Cap Sleeve T-shirts

Have you seen the kids clothing over at Tea Clothing.? I purchased many of their t-shirts and dresses recently. And when one of them arrived I knew it would be super easy to knock-off and make loads for the girls. We have this exact blue top, seen below, ain’t it cute? Love their stuff and recommend them whether you sew or not.

 

I traced the above  t-shirt, added a seam allowance, and have been making some cute Ts for the girls’ back-to-school wardrobe.

I think what makes this top is the shirred waist line. Five rows is all you need to give that cinched feminine look. Shirring is really easy. You just need to hand wind elastic onto your bobbin and sew rows across the shirt.  Follow this tutorial over at Ruffles & Stuff.

And of course, use clear elastic for a simple fold over neckline. Read this post for more about clear elastic.

On the above apple shirt I used a lengthened zig-zag for the neckline. On the bumble bee shirt below I used a special stitch for knits on my sewing machine.

So here’s how you make the shirt:

Step #1—Cut out a front and back for your shirt using this pattern, on the fold. The pattern I created is for big girls—mine are ages 8 and 12 but it shouldn’t be hard to shrink it down for little ones or trace an existing t-shirt that fits your girl. You’ll need to tape the three pages together on the dotted lines. The pattern on the right is full size and the pattern on the left shows how you’ll need to tape it together. The scanned pattern is off a little, as you can see in this ph0to, but I think you’ll be able to use it just fine by evening out the lines that didn’t scan.  It’s a knit t-shirt after all and not a fitted corset. I’ll teach you how to make a corset in another post. I’m kidding. Never. 

2—Sew the shirt together at just one of the side seams as seen below. I used my serger but you can also use a zig-zag stitch. I go back and forth between loving the serger and preferring my machine. Doesn’t matter—knits don’t ravel so a serger isn’t necessary. Just nice.

3—Mark just the top line for shirring using tailors chalk, a tracing wheel and tracing paper, or a washable fabric pen.

4—Sew five rows of shirring elastic, with elastic thread in the bobbin, using this tutorial over at Ruffles & Stuff.

5—This is how the shirt will look after you have done the shirring. Cute already!!

 

6—Now you need to reinforce your shoulders on the back piece (or front, doesn’t matter) with interfacing, as explained in this blog post.  Sew your shoulders seams together and then sew the other remaining side of the shirt, as seen below.

7—Finish the neckline by turning under 3/8” and sewing a zig-zag stitch all the while “sandwiching” clear elastic between the fabric. It was hard to photograph but maybe you can see the elastic below with the arrow pointing to it.

8—Finish the armholes and the bottom hem. I like to either use heavy duty spray starch to iron the hem in place before sewing or use steam-a-seam, as explained in this great blog post if your fabric is very flimsy, thin, or hard to manage, as when using lycra knits. All done!!!

This is how the neckline and shoulder seam looks from the inside.

Here’s the bottom hem done with a zig-zag:

Here it is on my cute daughter:

Here’s another version in hot pink—lengthened quite a bit to be worn as a dress, with leggings, or jeans.

 

Fast and easy. I can make the top in about 30 minutes now.  I’m gonna make loads more as the first two months of school are still blazing hot. And once fall comes these will look great with a cardigan.

CLICK HERE FOR PATTERN, FITS GIRLS SIZE10-12

IF YOU LIKE THIS PATTERN, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE AT WWW.MERINGUEDESIGNS.NET WHERE I SELL SEWING PATTERNS AND EMBROIDERY DESIGNS.

Knit fabrics used: apple print and the pink dot print are from Girl Charlee.  Fabric.com for the bumble bee print and the mint gingham.

Happy sewing,

New Look #6195

I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of this pattern. I first used it back in 2008 for these two smocks.

And here are a few more favorites I’ve made in the last couple of weeks. Can you tell it’s back to school time? Been making loads o’ clothes for the girls. Only 20 days till school starts. Oh yea, I’m counting.

I did version “B” this time with elastic at the neckline for the front and back. I prefer this version over all the others.

I love this black and white seersucker with the applique of my ‘Scribbled Mum’ flower.  I see these smocks all over the children’s clothing websites for loads of money. Mine cost $5 worth of fabric. Plus 45 minutes of sewing and embroidery, which really, my time is priceless. Worth millions. At least that’s what I tell my hubby and kids.

This turquoise polka dot version is darling as well, but my daughter wishes I had used the elastic at the neckline here as well. It’s kinda ‘loose’ on her.

I think this pattern is out of print now but there are a thousand other smock patterns just like this one. So stylin, so easy. I even wrote a review of it YEARS ago on pattern review. Click here.

Look how much my girl has grown up? It makes me a wee bit sad how fast the time is going. She was just 7 years old in the below picture. Where does the time go?

Polka Dot Tunics

I’m just so head-over-heels for this black and white polka dot fabric from Michael Miller called Ta Dots. Gonna buy more in case it it discontinued.

I first fell in love with it seeing this fabulous dress from this fabulous etsy seller. Feanna from Kate Emerson designs is great and easy to work with so if you don’t sew, take a look at her shop for kids’ clothing. Amazing stuff. And the photography by Kara May just makes this dress irresistable.  I just realized my niece is holding a white dog above and so is the model below! Not staged, promise!

I made my 8-year old daughter Hallie a size 12 tunic using Simplicity 3743. I used this pattern many times, including here. Patterns tend to run small on bigger girls. This top, even in a size 12, needed a good 4 inches added to the length. And the elastic casing guide for the neck is way too long so I had Hallie try on the tunic and then I quickly cut off a good 6 inches of elastic from the neckline.

And for my 4-yr old niece Laura I made a size 2 for her using New Look 6956. Patterns tend to run large on younger girls. The only change I made on Laura’s dress was to gather the bottom of the sleeves and bind them using the same fabirc. Much cuter than those bows in the picture which will only wrinkle after washing.

Just kiding, I also opted for an invisible zipper closure instead of a centered zipper.

You better believe come fall Hallie will wear her tunic with leggings and boots. My little niece is also stylishy organized with her lace leggings and neon sandels. Love those girls!