Another School Year Gone

Someone once told me that once your kids turn 12 everything time goes by like lightning. True. Ilene just finished her sophomore year, Hallie just finished her 7th grade year of junior high, and Nathan is just nearing one year as a missionary in the Dominican Republic.

Ilene ran track again this year. That girl is a runner to be sure. Sometimes at her track meets I think about the hours spent waiting at her kindergarten bus stop and how she'd run from tree to tree and say "Time me Mom!". Ummm ok, ready, set go! Then I would count out loud and she'd be in heaven when I'd say, wow only 12 seconds to run to the tree and back!

Utah State Track meet at BYU

Ready for her team's relay

Ilene waiting for the baton pass

Hallie had her fair share of fun as well this school year. She was in her school's musical plays, like Singing in the Rain.

And of course she had to play city league soccer again.

A cold April night for a soccer game.

My beautiful girls, they're growing up so fast.

April 2017, Mt. Timpanogos temple

#babiesdontkeep

And their mom is looking older as well.....but happy to see them grow and learn.

Please, No More Talk of Modesty

A year ago I sat in a laundromat in Antwerp, Belgium. Paul and I were trying to figure out the euro washing machines (nevermind that Paul speaks Dutch), but I’m a lazy person at heart so rather than try even 10 more seconds for him to figure it out, I asked the Hasidic Jewish woman next to me to just tell us what to do.  She was friendly and talkative. I’m friendly and talkative too and we ended up speaking about way more than laundry. She told me about her recent wedding, how her amazingly-tall husband saved her from a life of secular Judaism (born again Jew?) and how she had always suffered from seizures until she went to Jerusalem and prayed at the wall. Now they were completely gone. She sadly told me about her strained relationship with her mother now that she was orthodox. She even showed me videos of her friends’ Jewish weddings, explaining why everything was done the way it was.

Antwerp, Belgium, waiting for laundry

She told me about her conversion with such zeal. I was mesmerized. She used to show her hair, whereas now she kept it covered; she used to wear pants, whereas now she wore long skirts to her ankles and sleeves down to her wrists. She once dressed like I was dressed right then--jeans, sneakers, and ponytail hair.  The disparity in our clothing was very obvious, so I tried to speak to our commonalities. I told her that I too was a very religious woman. Had she heard of the Mormons? She never had. And she was not accepting the claim that we were both religious women of God. She kept protesting, in her thick French accent, waving her arms, that she was a very religious woman. I was not. This jeans-wearing woman did not make headway with her on that front.

Jewish quarter in Antwerp, Belgium

And you know what? It felt good. It felt so good, for the first time in well, forever, to be the Gentile Heathen. Moi, a Mormon woman who lives in Provo, which is like 90% Mormon and super conservative, to now be in the Jewish quarter of Antwerp, where I was now the minority. Maybe I’ve read one too many Chaim Potok novels but I’m pretty sure that classifies me as goyim. By the standards of this lovely Belgian, 23-year-old-newlywed woman, this 42-year-old-middle-aged woman was not dressed very “modestly”. The tables had turned. (An aside: this has to be the best conversation I've ever had while travelling, even better than talking to Sal in the fabric district in New York who tried to sell me some voile to make a top even though I said voile is sheer and all I do is push kids in strollers so where would I wear such a top, only to have him reply in what I swear was his best Andrew Dice Clay impersonation he reserved for tourists, 'hey lady it's how ya feel!')

Fast forward a year later. My 16-yr old daughter Ilene came home from church the other day a bit confused about what she heard about modesty in Relief Society. (The 16-17-yr old girls go to class with the women once a month.)

Modesty. Oh please, here we go again. If I never hear that word again used in context of how covered up a woman is it will be too soon. In the words of Ignayo Montoya, “You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.” I don't think us Mormons have a clue as to what 'modest' means.

Ilene’s bottom line question was, “Mom what is the big deal with wearing a tank top?!” In short I said, “It is no big deal.” I reminded her of conversations we've had before-- that different articles of clothing are appropriate for different occasions. I don’t use the word modest to describe clothing, I use the word appropriate. We talk about this a lot. Ultimately she is in charge of her clothing. More importantly, never judge and objectify others based on their clothing either. The measuring stick I use to gauge my clothing choices is in no way a stick I use to beat others with.

Ilene in Puerto Rico. Always curious, even about coconuts and driftwood

My old-lady swimsuit is pretty much a tank top and shorts and is very modest by Mormon standards. But what if I show up to church wearing that same swimsuit? On the beach I was way too covered up by most standards, and in church I’d be lookin’ quite out of place and very immodest.  

Paul and me, Big Island of Hawaii, 2013

My covered-up swimsuit at church is “immodest”, my jeans and sneakers were “immodest” to that Jewish woman in the laundry mat in Antwerp, and to be honest would also be 100 years ago walking in downtown Provo, among my own people. I can see the glaring stares now from those Mormon Pioneers, “That woman is wearing pants! You can see the shape of her legs!”  So if modesty changes for fashion, time, and occasion, then clearly it is not the correct word to use in describing hemlines and visible shoulders.

I don’t even remember having ‘modesty’ lessons growing up. I remember we all wore tank tops and short-shorts at church, school, or wherever. Just use common sense, sheesh! There were no arbitrary made up rules about covering your shoulders or wearing shorts to your knees. My mother-in-law even told me all the women wore sleeveless dresses to BYU dances in the 1960s. Not strapless, or spaghetti straps, just sleeveless. That would never be allowed now. When did this orthodox-ness seep into my own religion? What happened between the 1980s, when I grew up, and now when I’m raising teens? And why? Are my daughters holier, more pious than I was at their age if they choose to be more covered up than I ever was in 1990? Will they be more prepared to go to the temple than I was? Do they have greater access to God? No way Jose.

Church of the Nativity, Bethlehem, Israel

A few years ago a new rule came about in our stake--no more shorts at activities. I was Young Women president at the time and I told my young women, ‘Look you don’t have to like this rule, I don’t get it, but as a leader I do have to keep this rule. You can think what you want, but for now, let’s play along.’ I think that rule eventually faded away because I send my girls to church Wednesday nights with shorts and there’s never been a problem.

Me, 1984 in San Bernardino mountains, California, clearly wearing short shorts.

So what does modest mean in my world today? I own a modest home. Or is it? Maybe in Utah County it is considered modest compared to the $700,000-dollar-5,000-square-foot homes going up just two miles away from me. But take my home and put it near my son in the Dominican Republic--who hasn’t had a hot shower in 9-months--or my mom’s childhood home in Mexico--and my home is downright ostentatious. Embarrassing actually for me to live like this when my son doesn’t even have drinkable water or a hot shower. (And for him it’s temporary.) What a privileged life I lead. There isn’t anything modest about my privileged American life. And that's what I told my daughter. That modesty is subjective, in houses and clothes. New subject please.

My own home sweet home

Trees and Faith and People

Nathan the tree climber, 2004, age 6.

When my son Nathan was a toddler I told him that I was heading to the nursery to buy a tree for our yard. Up until now we had only installed a sprinkler system and some struggling hydroseed for our lawn. It was a sad little yard, hot and shadeless. When I came home from the nursery, Nathan took one look at that sapling of a tree and with disappointment exclaimed, “Mom I wanted the kind of tree you can climb!” Fair enough. I wanted shade and he wanted to climb. Neither of us would get what we wanted, at least not yet. It was going to be a while. Years in fact.

Spindly little Tulip tree. The wind later snapped it in half. :(

We moved by the time Nathan was eight so he never got to climb a tree in our yard nor did I enjoy any shade at that house, but I was determined to make both happen. In our new house, once again we had the arduous task of putting in a yard. And that meant planting more trees. We planted Ash trees, Flowering Pears, Aspens, Redbuds, and Maples. Ten years later I have my shade. And maybe Nathan is too big to climb trees now, but his little girl or boy will get to climb our 23 trees someday. They'll be large enough by then.

Birds feeding under my Patmore Ash

Thankfully I do have shade now. I need its refuge. This sun worshiper is getting too old to sit bare-faced in the hot backyard anymore without a bit of respite from the glaring sun. As I sit under my 10-year old trees, listening to the messages in the rustling leaves, watching the birds eat from the orange feeder, I think about my little son and his desire to climb a tree that couldn’t even bear his tiny body weight and how everything worth having in life takes as much time as growing a climb-able tree. Faith. Healthy relationships. Healing. Patience. Perspective. The messages in those fluttering leaves have taught me how God speaks to me--subtle but sure. Trees take years. So do people.

Orange tukips in Keukenhof, Netherlands

After ten years, some tree roots are large enough that they are visible through my lawn. I planted about 50 orange tulip bulbs a few weeks ago. As I dug holes all around my yard I kept running into the deeper but smaller, more spidery, tree roots. I did my best not to disturb them, to let them do their own thing, and to carefully plant the bulbs around the roots into our rocky Utah soil. Those thin little roots will get thicker and more stable year after year. They'll keep progressing and spreading, sending out more roots, like I am, even when, or especially when, growth seems to be negligible and even non-existent.

Nathan the graduate under our shady Maple.

Last week we hiked through Zion's, in Kolob Canyon, through a thin and narrow passage filled with brightly colored fall trees. As we hiked, a gust of wind came through quickly and I heard that familar movement of leaves. Paul stopped and said “I love that sound, the rush of wind through a narrow canyon.” He heard wind but I heard God, once again whispering to me through rustling leaves, that everything is going to be okay. He is aware of me. I matter. Be patient. Let my roots grow deeper. He has given me shade for now, and soon it will be time to climb.

Autumn leaves in Kolob Canyon

Taking my Son's Senior Portraits

Graduation was months ago. My son is now living in the Dominican Republic as a missionary, but finally I am writing about his senior portraits. It is possible to take your own kiddo's senior portraits. Here is proof!

Love taking photos on a cloudy day, no harsh sun.

Nathan is a happy kid. But put him in front of a camera, especially when it is drizzling with rain in early May, and out comes the crabby kid.

The photo below was at the beginning of the photo shoot. No smiles. Sheesh kid.

You can see the rain in this shot!

The photo below is at the end of the photo shoot when he had finally loosened up and he allowed his sister and me to tease him and make him laugh.

Taken in Provo, Utah on Boat harbor Drive, near Utah Lake. ISO 250, f/4, 1/800 second,  

I took all the photos with my Nikon d750 using my Nikon 85mm 1.8 prime lens. It's a beautiful portrait lens. Couldn't be happier with its quality.

All photos are edited in Adobe Lightroom. I added a slight vignetting around each photo for drama and depth.

Photo taken in Spanish Fork, Utah on a cloudy day at 2:00pm.

Taken on Boat Harbor Drive in Provo, Utah near Utah Lake

My favorite! ISO 250, 1/200 second, f/4, 

One thing that was smart was bringing my daughter along to make him laugh and smile eventually. Aren't they the cutest?

I even got in a photo or two. Just to prove I was even there ya know.

I printed the graduation announcements at AdoramaPix using this template and the pearl finish for the paper.  I am not a fan of collages for announcements. Pick one amazing photo for the front, and one for the back. Don't clutter the announcement, keep it classy and simple.

Adorama Pix template used.

I took the photos on a Saturday afternoon and had them ordered by that night. Not bad for a day's work!

Oh, and why do kids grow up so fast?

Every Mom Should Own a Sort-of-Fancy Camera

Buying a $400 camera in 2008 was the best purchase I ever made. Babies don't keep. They grow up and become high school seniors, and get accepted to colleges like my son did this very week.

I am not a professional photographer. I am a hobbyist, a housewife, completely self taught and I have loved watching my kids grow up behind my camera lens. You can click on any of the photos in this post to see them full size.

Nikon D7000, ISO 200, 18-200mm lens at 75mm, f/5, 1/1000 second
Ilene on the Big Island of Hawaii playing her beloved ukulele.

I am strongly encouraging all the other moms and dads, especially of little ones, although it is never too late, to buy a nicer camera, learn a few basic photography skills, and capture your kids playing on a sandy beach at sunset in a bit-of-a-nicer way than your camera phone can (sorry it's true) before the kids are grown and gone.

Nikon D7000, ISO 320, F/5, 18-200mm lens at 40mm,1/6400 sec
Building sandcastles in 2013 on the Big Island of Hawaii.

If you want to start capturing your kids' childhood, I have just three tips to help you get on your way in the photography world:

Advice tip #1 You don't have to spend a fortune on the camera.

Nikon D40, ISO 200, 35mm lens, f/1.8, 1/3200
A broken stick becomes a Harry Potter wand

This is my first camera pictured with yours truly in 2008, the year I bought it. It is the Nikon D40 and I paid around $475 for it with the kit lens. It's not even made anymore but used they run around $140. A great starter camera. I still own it as a back up.

The camera below is my 2nd camera I bought in 2013. It is the Nikon D7000. I just sold it last week.  Here it is with the Nikon 35mm 1.8 lens attached in this photo. Best lens for your bucks!

Below is my 3rd and newest camera as of December 2015. It is the Nikon D750. After eight years of a photography hobby, this is where I am at now. A high-end, full frame dSLR. Giddyap!

I mention the above cameras only to illustrate that you can great photos no matter your budget. Whether you have $200 to spend on a used camera or $3,000 to spend. Knowledge is first, camera is second.

This is a basic kit lens that allows you to zoom in on kids and get great candid shots.

The above picture is a kit lens. You can get great photos with a kit lens. A kit lens is usually a basic (cheap) lens that comes with your dSLR camera. The above lens didn't come with the camera but the camera store had it on sale for $50 if I bought the camera. I just sold it for $75. I would say I got my money's worth.

A used camera with used lenses is a fantastic option.  I have sold camera equipment whenever I upgrade to fancier stuff. A basic dSLR camera is all I could afford 8 years ago. We were in a new house and money was tight. At the time, in fact, my Nikon D40 was all I needed as I didn't know a single photography term back then. I didn't know Aperture from Auto-Focus but I was willing to learn.

Nikon D40, 55-200mm lens at 78mm, ISO 200, f/4.5, 1/320 second, edited in Adobe Lightroom
You don't need a fancy location, your backyard will do just fine.

Advice tip #2 You can learn all you need to know on YouTube and blogs.  The above photo is not perfect, but to me it is priceless despite the basic 6-megapexel camera. Look at those faces eight years ago and you'll know the definition of priceless. I took that shot five months after I bought the camera. At that point I had learned enough about photography from You Tube tutorials and blogs to know that my skills mattered more than the camera. I knew that photographing children down on their level always makes a better photo.  So I took that photo laying on my elbows in the grass, in our backyard, just like the kids were doing.

I love Fro Knows Photo, especially his quick tips. He is hilarious. And I do recommend his Beginner's Guide to Getting Out of Auto, which costs around $60. His Quick Tip videos contain some of the same content. I also love Chelsea and Tony Northrup, maybe even more than Fro.

When I was just starting out I also loved the blog tutorials at I Heart Faces and Pioneer Woman. Read, read, read and you'll learn, learn, learn.

Nikon D40, ISO 200, 55-200mm lens @60mm, f/4.5
Hallie, age 5, admiring blossoms in Pennsylvania

Below is another shot from a few years later in 2013 (in our backyard again) where I also used the same rule--getting down on their level. I also made sure I blurred the background by using a low aperture. Once I bought my Nikon 35mm 1.8 lens I hardly used the others anymore. I love LOVED it that much--for portraits of my kids, photographing products for my website, and low-light indoor photography.

Four years have past between the above photo and this one below. See what I mean by priceless? My kids will never be that age again. I am so glad I took the time to learn how to take pretty good photos while they were still little.

Nikon D7000, Aperture Priority, ISO 250, 35mm lens, f/1.8, 1/2000 sec, edited in Adobe Lightroom
I love how a breeze was blowing hair across Hallie's face. 

I took the photo below using the 'rule of thirds'.  I could have taken it with Ilene centered, but it wouldn't have been as interesting. 

Composition will change everything when you are a beginner. If you are too scared to get out of Auto mode yet, at least focus on composition for a while. Composition is way more important than your camera or your lens. As Fro says in this quick rant, "a crappy photo, is a crappy photo, is a crappy photo."

Nikon D40, ISO 200, 55-200mm lens at 66mm, f/4.2, Manual mode, edited in Adobe Lightroom
Photos during golden hour (one hour before sunset) are the best for glowy lighting.

Advice Tip #3 You have to edit your photos. For the love of all that's holy and decent in this world, Please. Edit. Your. Photos. I prefer to shoot in RAW but even if you choose to shoot in JPG, you have to edit the photos. It's the difference between blah and Rah!

Nikon D750, ISO 800, Tamron 24-70mm lens at 70mm, 1/1000, f/2.8, edited in Adobe Lightroom
Ilene in 2015 looking very grown up. And cold as daylight is almost gone in December.

UNEDITED RAW FILE....BLAH!

I started out using Photoshop Elements for editing and then three years ago made the best decision ever to switch to Adobe Lightroom for editing. Lightroom is easier and faster. And it keeps track of every edit you ever make to your photos so it is easy to go back and re-edit old photos as you learn new editing skills. Many of the old photos in this post were re-edited because my skills back then were seriously lacking. Get Lightroom! I just bought Lightroom 6 for $150 but you can do the online version for $10/month. I like these tutorials for Lightroom.

Wrapping it up.........

My main goal has been to capture great photos of my kids because let's face it, babies don't keep. They go from littles playing football.........

Nikon D40, ISO 200, 55-200mm at 95mm, f/5.0, 1/400 sec, edited in Photoshop Elements
Nathan age 10 camping and playing catch with Dad

To taking beautiful girls to Prom in just a handful of years. Eight years to be exact from the photo above (2008) to the one below. (2015)

Nikon D7000, ISO 500, 18-200mm at40mm, f/5.6, 1/100 sec, edited in Adobe Lightroom
Nathan age 17 heading to Provo High Prom

I hope this has inspired you to get a new/used camera, or get the one you already have that you may not use, learn a few skills, and capture the fragile moments in life. I am happy to answer any questions in the comments section. Happy shooting!

Nikon D7000, ISO 200, 18-300mm lens @ 27mm, f/5.6, 1/20 second, edited in Lightroom
Me and my girls at the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena, California 2015